Thanks to Richard (gardening is like sex) and Nancy (limitations prompt creative solutions) for their sympathetic comments and wise gardening words (see previous entry).
And with their thoughts in mind I offer you "weird garden chores", a brief series devoted to the odd tasks I have become accustomed to performing for various odd reasons in my garden. Come to think of it, I bet there are a lot of weird garden chores out there...and I'd love to hear about 'em.

"wrapping the japanese maple" with agrifabric, string, and masking tape to keep the squirrels from chewing off the small branches and stripping off bark

"squirrel barricades I and II" are just a couple of the endless schemes devised to keep dirt in and rodents out of my rose pots

"high wind trellis anchor" was devised after a near fatal encounter with a falling rose trellis in the middle of a rain and wind storm; climbing rope replaced twine and the complicated knots can never be duplicated

"neighbor pruning deterent II" is one of many deterents devised in response to highly creative and sometimes devious neighbor pruning incursions